I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
