Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
