i barfeds in our rink
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
