this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
