I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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