The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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