I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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