You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize