No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
