you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
