So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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