Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
