how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
