I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize