I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
