i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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