hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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