In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
