Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
