Sry I called you an 8
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
