If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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