I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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