youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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