Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
