I wish I could teleport
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize