I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize