His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
