You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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