Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
