He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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