I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
