you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
