smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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