There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
