im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
