So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
