Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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