I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
