____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
