Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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