I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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