I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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