i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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