just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
