That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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