honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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