You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
