How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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