my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
