My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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