Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I smell stomach acid.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
