woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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