just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
