Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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