I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
