dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
