Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's blow job season.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
