I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
