I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
