I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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