he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
