we have officially lost it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
